Category Archives: Bad, Bad Films

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (2008)

It’s always seemed that my parent’s generation has a tendency to think of Adam Sandler as a comedy buffoon.  In the early years he made a name as a high-energy goofball and the loudest guy in the room.  Both Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore follow this blueprint with an excess of voices and slapstick and dirty jokes.  His newer films feel pretty much the same, just a little older, a little less energy.  It works for him, and perhaps because it’s something I grew up with I’ve never had a problem with it.  On the other hand, there’s nothing fresh about Adam Sandler’s comedy.  As much as you’re laughing, you’re never remarking on its quality, never aware of any polish.  And while there certainly are notable titles in Sandler’s comedic filmography, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan is definitively NOT one of them.

Continue reading

500 Days of Summer (2009)

I love Zooey Deschanel. I think she’s adorable and it’s a point of contention in my current relationship. I was thusly disappointed by the character she plays in 500 Days of Summer…no, not disappointed, that’s not right. I hated her character and I hated this movie. Here’s the long and short:

This film comes with the preface, “This is not a love story, but a story about love,” which really doesn’t mean anything at all. In love stories and stories about love we follow two people as they make their way through that universal gauntlet. They struggle with some sort of inner or outer dissonance, and hopefully, finally, find their way to one another and stroll into the sunset of love, prepared forever to face all problems as one. Or not. Whatever. 500 Days of Summer utilizes this introduction to avoid the necessity of a happy ending, or at least one you recognize. Which is fine, if it’s executed properly. Continue reading

X-Men Origins : Wolverine (2009)

X-Men Origins : Wolverine, is FUCKING terrible. (That’s my thesis statement)

I have a big problem with comic books movies when they change the facts. There’s admittedly a gray area where a comic book story is so absurd and dated that everybody is better served by updating it. But in the undertaking of a comic book movie, when stories are being combined and the non-fan boy audience is the one that matters, you do absolutely NOTHING for your product when you alter well-established stories and characters. Continue reading

Strange Culture (2007)

So far, the 21st century seems to be the century of apathy. We ignore so efficiently that it takes something really dramatic for people to pay attention. A news story is no longer nearly enough, even for a really spectacular fuck-up, and for this reason I don’t blame you if you’ve never heard the story of Steve Kurtz. Kurtz, an art teacher from Buffalo, finds himself the target of an investigation into domestic terrorism when EMT personnel happen to see the harmless and legally acquired biological paraphernalia being used for an installation discussing the inherent problems with genetically modified organisms and our food. Eventually, federal agents come along to confiscate all his things, trash his home and, in an impressive display of callousness, lock his cat in the attic without food or water for three days. Oh, and the whole thing starts when he wakes one morning to find that his wife has died in her sleep. So, there’s the tale of Steve Kurtz.

Continue reading